failure no more

by envieloveletter

i openly admit that i have failed, flopped and floundered in some pretty important aspects of my life. hasn’t everyone? apparently not…! and till recently i haven’t been sure whether they are just lucky or they are lying or they are scared stiff of that little four letter word f.a.i.l. so far this weekend, several examples of friends’ fear to fail has been very apparent, so they stay within their comfort zone and talk themselves out of changing their distress. why the hell would you want to remain unhappy! i find myself realising that i am the one who is lucky to have failed so many times because i’m no longer entirely afraid of failure and therefore i am no longer afraid of my future and what is yet to be thrown at me. therefore hand on heart i am happy! let me share the most heartbreaking statement i have ever experienced, which took place in october 2011. my papa came to visit me in london. without getting into the depths of our relationship – in short we don’t particularly share feelings – my papa and i sat in the pub on the evening of his arrival and had perhaps the most honest conversation ever. when he said to me, ‘i have no regrets but i have no joy from my life either…’ i took stock of what this life means. i never want to feel like this and it kills me that my father does, but each individual is responsible for their actions and he has to live with the decisions he made, i can do no more than continue to love and look after him. so i look back at my great failures in family, jobs, marriage, money. yep i have failed in all along the way. it’s interesting that the worst part of the failing was the admitting it to those closest to you. we can all bear or own cross but we never want others to either think badly of us or we feel guilty in accepting help and pity. but as i was falling apart at the seams it became apparent and the secret was out… and that’s it! from there i can honestly say that i got myself through all my issues, with my unusual over positive outlook on life i am able to pick myself up each and every time, but all whilst knowing that i have an incredible support system around me. so my message to all of you who are unwilling to make changes because you are afraid of failing in your job or relationships, you are failing yourself. accept the experiences and learn from them. i’d like to say that you won’t make the same mistake twice, but you might. try and find confidence in yourself and what helps me is remembering that we have one life, we don’t know when it will inevitably end, what’s the worst that can happen…

‘it is impossible to live without failing unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all!”

jk.rowling

my own little tinkerbell – she’s a tough little fairy!

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